Things Left Unsaid
by dayglo1
Summary: "I still care about what happens to the team, Mac." Chapter 2-post-ep for "Unfriendly Chat"
1. True Courage

Title: Things Left Unsaid

Chapter 1-True Courage

Disclaimer: Yeah, CSI:NY is so not mine.

Author's note: So, since I'm totally bummed Melina Kanakaredes is no longer on the show, I decided to write a series of post-eps for the seventh season from Stella's POV. Hopefully, there will be one for each episode. This one, obviously, is for 34th Floor.

Spoilers: Everything up to 34th Floor

Stella sighed as she signed her name on yet another form. Over the past three months she had gained a whole new appreciation for Mac. Sure she had taken over for him before, but if there was paperwork she didn't _have_ to deal with, she had always left it for him when he came back. Now, it was all on her desk. She missed him. She paused in her drudgery when her phone rang. One glance at the caller ID and she rolled her eyes. Mac was 1,300 miles away and he _still _seemed to know what she was thinking. She narrowed her eyes at the clock as she answered the phone. "You better not still be at work."

His silence spoke volumes. "You're telling me _you're_ not still at work?"

He had her there. "It's later over there."

She heard his quiet chuckle and her heart ached. "It's only an hour's difference, Stella."

She smiled softly into the phone. She missed this, she missed _him_. But there was nothing she could do about it, so instead she changed the subject. "How's the new hire?"

His answer was careful, but sincere. "Jo? She's good at her job. I think she'll be a good fit here. How's it going down there?"

_It's harder than I ever thought it be. There's more work, more responsibility, and more pressure than I had thought possible. It's hot and muggy, and I can't find decent bagels anywhere. I miss you._ Stella shakes her head free of her rambling thoughts. "It's a lot of responsibility, but I like it down here."

Even over the phone, it's like he can hear what she's thinking but not voicing. "I thought this was what you wanted."

_So did I._ "It still is. I'm really doing okay Mac, it'll just take some getting used to." She can tell by his silence he doesn't quite believe her, so she changes the subject again. "How did Lindsey's ceremony go?"

The tension in his voice is unmistakable. "It went fine."

Stella sighs as she leans back in her chair. "What aren't you telling me?"

She hears his sigh mirror her own, and can hear him lean back in his chair as well. "It's finally hitting her."

_Shit._ A knife pierces Stella's heart. Lindsey had seemed alright when she left, but she should have kept up on her, called her. She'd been telling the truth when she'd said she hadn't had time to catch her breath. But this was _Lindsey_, and she should have made time to call her. When she finally answers, her voice is laced with regret. "I've been meaning to call her."

She can almost hear Mac's shrug. "She'll be okay, she's tough. Now that we know what's going on with her, we can help her."

She feels very left out of Mac's 'we'. She knows he's not including her in that. She not part of them anymore. Except she always will be, no matter where in the world she is. She's still thinking of something to say when her door opens. "Boss, we've got a triple in the French Quarter."

Stella nods and holds up a finger, indicating that Leventeaux should wait a second. "Mac-"

He cuts her off. "I heard. Sounds like you have to go. Be safe."

He's already hung up when she says goodbye.

It's three more days before Stella finally gets the chance to call Lindsey. Her conscience hasn't let her rest. Though, to be honest, the nonstop cases haven't helped any either. Flopping down on her couch and gazing wearily at all the still-unpacked boxes stacked around her, she dials Lindsey's number. "Lindsey Messer."

Stella smiles, both at hearing Lindsey's voice and the sound of Lucy trying to grab the phone. "Hey kiddo, how are you?"

She can hear the grin on Lindsey's face. "Stella! It's great to hear from you! How's New Orleans? Do you like being in charge? What's your team like?"

Stella laughs at Lindsey's enthusiasm, but doesn't miss the fact that she has purposely avoided her question. "New Orleans is beautiful, being in charge isn't bad either. I've got a great team; nothing close to you guys, of course. So, how are you doing, Linds?"

She hears Lindsey sigh, caught. "I wish you were here, Stella."

_Me too_. "That bad, huh?"

She can almost hear Lindsey shake her head. "No. Well, maybe. I don't know." Stella stays quiet as Lindsey takes a deep breath. "It'll get better."

Stella smile is bittersweet. "It always does."

Never has she heard Lindsey so hesitant. "Really?"

Her answer is firm. "Really."

She can hear Danny calling Lindsey from another room, and Lucy's whimpers start getting louder. "Stella, I'm sorry but-"

"You've gotta go."

"Yeah, but thanks, for everything."

She smiles, but knows she really didn't do anything. "Anytime, kiddo. And you know if you and Danny ever want to take a vacation that's free of murdering psychos…"

Lindsey laughs. "New Orleans will be at the top of our list."

And then she's gone.

TBC


	2. Long Way From Home Tonight

**Title: Things Left Unsaid**

**Chapter 2-Long Way From Home Tonight**

**Disclaimer: Still not mine**

**Author's Note: Post-ep to Unfriendly Chat**

Not pausing in his paperwork, Mac reached out his hand to pick up the ringing phone. "Detective Mac Taylor."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me about Adam?"

Grimacing, Mac put down his pen. "Stella-"

"You should have told me about Adam. I had to hear about it from Sheldon."

"Sheldon?" The person in question paused at hearing his name as he passed Mac's office. One look at his boss' face, however, and he hurried on by.

"Yeah, he called me, said you'd suspended Adam for three days and thought he would appreciate a call from me."

Mac wiped his hand over his face as he leaned back in his chair. "Look, Stella, I _had_ to suspend him-"

She cut him off. "Dammit Mac, I know you had to suspend him; I want to know why you didn't call me."

_Because you're not here anymore_. "I figured you were busy-"

She cut him off again and he wondered if he was ever going to get out a full sentence during this conversation. "I still care about what happens to the team, Mac."

_Then why aren't you here? _He sighed. "I know you do. I'm sorry. I should have called."

Stella's sigh matched his. "I'm sorry too. I don't know how to do this."

Mac spun his chair around so that he could look out his windows to the city below. "We'll figure it out eventually, we always do."

He could hear the smile in her voice, even though it sounded forced. "Yeah, we do, don't we?"

Stella sighed as she dropped her phone into her purse. Was this how it would be from now on? She'd hear about things days or weeks after they happened? She couldn't deny the grip of fear that had clutched her when Hawkes had told her what had happened. She should have _been _there. Even now, she should be there. First Lindsey, now Adam; she calls them, she talks to them, tries to reassure them, but she's not _there_. And she has this awful feeling that what she _can_ do for her team now will one day not be enough. Not when pitted up against all of the things she can't do for them anymore. She lightly hit the wall she was walking by with the flat of her hand and sighed. Then, shaking her head, she opened the door.

Consciously straightening her body as she entered the conference room, she started handing out folders. "Alright, assignments for tonight…"

TBC


End file.
